“Threesomes only work for everyone involved if there’s an equal distribution of attention in all directions. “That’s why I've actually felt our best threesomes have been sober,” added Michelle. “Some people think talking it through poses the threat of killing the excitement, but in-depth communication is so necessary.” “You have to get a clear handle on what both of you want and need, your fears, comforts, and discomforts,” Mathew told me. You have to feel like you're doing it together, like a team-building exercise, otherwise you’re just going to feel like competitors.”īut see, Mathew and Michelle are smart, so before setting off on their ménage journey, they set specific rules: no past hook-ups, no repeats. “Afterward, the two of us went out and got smoothies, and we just felt so much closer. “I liked the teamwork aspect of it,” Michelle recalled of their first time. “We were just getting to know each other.” A few weeks later it happened, very organically. “It was like we were going on dates, but not really,” said Michelle. Afterward, he and Michelle began making efforts to hang out with her more regularly. One evening, Mathew casually asked the girl if she’d ever considered hooking up with a couple. Their first threesome was with an acquaintance they met through the music scene. Contrary to what some might immediately assume, they’re not in an open relationship-they don’t hook up with people separately-but rather, as Mathew calls it, “a progressive relationship.” They’ve been together for two and a half years, and they had their first threeway six months in, after Michelle, who’s bi, suggested it. My friends Michelle and Mathew, a couple of musicians from Brooklyn, are two of the most skilled threesomers I know. Given the pitfalls I’ve encountered, I was interested to know the threesome strategy of a couple who managed to maintain the dynamic, in a positive way. Wanting to impress him, I then became that girl, hitting up people I barely knew with texts like, “Hey! We should get together again soon! Or, actually, lol, wanna have a threesome with me?” And then like five hours later they’re like: “Haha, aww, thanks 4 askin but I’m just crazy busy at work rn.” Even though she works at a bar. Good because the night was fun, bad because, afterward, he thought it was something I could make happen all the time. As you can imagine, this made the dude think I was a magical being with the power to make miracles happen. And I swear this is the truth: Later that night a 22-year-old Egyptian hipster babe showed up at the hotel and banged us. Who's up for it?” To my surprise, within a couple of hours I had a handful of seemingly DTF girls sending me photos. My tweet read, “I'm in SF and I need a female guest star in my 3some tonight. I didn’t really know anyone in SF, but as a joke, I said, “Sure, I’ll just tweet about it.” I mean, what’s the point of building a large social network if not to recruit strangers for group sex?
I was on a trip to San Francisco with a guy I was casually dating when he suggested I find a girl for a threesome. My next threesome effort was slightly more successful-but again, only for a while. The question is: How does one avoid being the creepy couple, and instead elegantly finesse one’s way into a threesome? What's the secret key to orchestrating a good one-one that makes you feel happy and liberated, rather than like a jealous monster? And then there’s the most common type of threesome: when a couple hunts for a third person, often in a desperate way, stalking unsuspecting singles at bars and dating sites. In my mind, this is the threesome holy grail: genuine attraction sparks between everyone, and a fun moment impulsively turns erotic. Then there’s the threesome between a couple and a third person that happens spontaneously.
Generally, this type is unplanned-you’re all hanging out after a night of partying and then, whoops, you’re inside each other. First, there’s the kind between three separate people who aren’t romantically linked. In my mind there are three types of threeways. It’s not like you threesome once and the next thing you know you’re in a poly relationship with four people you met at Burning Man. But don’t panic: They don’t have to be a gateway drug. Often, a threesome is one of the first steps couples take down the path to a more progressive relationship dynamic. It’s like a dinner party-one wrong guest and the whole dynamic is off. But there is an art, and etiquette, to organizing a ménage à trois. If you mess it up, you could ruin your relationship and life forever. Choosing the right threesome partner is a delicate and complex operation.
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